(3/20) reading is actually so cool, and other thoughts

so idk what happened but i started reading a LOT more. like something in my brain just shifted i truly don't know what happened.. i was already reading at least 40mins a day, 5 days a week.. anyway i want to start this by saying everyone should listen to the podcast "Oh No Ross and Carrie." this show is kind of the reason i think. they experience and investigate psuedo-science and religion and things of that sort. never have i been exposed to religion so i only know what little i got from like. media. but hearing them describe it and things adjacent to christianity has been really interesting. they also read a lot because their investigations require research, but they also just enjoy it in general. their speed reading episode was a big thinker for me. they talk about wanting to read more, even though they had already been reading plenty. idk it just made me think like.. You know what hell yeah. and so i started reading more often. now the whole reason im writing this post: a full review of The Revolt of the Angels and how it relates to the previous thing i said.. it's about a "fallen angel" and really goes against the traditional beliefs of christianity (from what i understand) and it makes me wonder how the book was received.. i wont look it up i dont care that much. but its so crazy to me and there's even another character throughout that is actively against the "obsurtity" of being anti-God but he is just brushed off LMAO. it was sort of nothing to me, as someone that was only told spiritual beliefs here and there but never anything traditionally religious in the "there is a god and he is doing this and created everything and etc" sense. women in stem or wtv. anyway i recommend it it's only like 200 pages if that and u might love it if u have a history of being religious. there's a little toxic yaoi if that intrigues anyone. but only in the way that nospheratu was tragic yuri. feel like that's a crazy thing to say so i will end this one here.

(2/27) time will pass regardless...

so today i made some purchases (put me in jail) but they made me realize that you can do whatever the hell u want whenver u want... like actually....like a digital typewriter? oh my... oh this writing shit is serious to me.... oh my... it made me realize that life is being built to allow things to get in ur way. don't always blame urself for it... super computers are great but u know what they say in incredible. if everyone is super then no one is.. meaning u get so overwhelmed by everthing that u end up doing nothing. woke up and read (YAY! have been doing a lot of that, i recommend ereaders if u like to read) but when i sat down at my computer it became scrolling twitter, checking email, watching cherry magic... but part of me is to blame simply bc i get scared to start things.. i love doing the things i do but i get easily detered bc i know i will easily convince myself i can do them forever. making the website drained all my time and now its at a screeching hault.. playing guitar occupied most of my days for the latter half of 2025 until i decided to limit myself... i can go a whole day without eating if i have a full story in my head. doing things in earnest seems like such a waste of time but then i realize that its not all for one. i developed my fashion sense slowly, i learned to write slowly, i collected what makes up the components of my apartment slowly.. the time will pass anyway.. did this even mean anything. eh, it's my blog

Learning life late..

ok so first, i think i have some trouble w this blog mostly by 1 until the full website is done i can't put too much energy into multiple pages :( which is sad bc there are a few "deeper" things i've wanted to make entries on but got side tracked by other stuff.. but also!! i want to write more simple fun silly stuff. like here.

i was getting home from work and i think someone in my apt left this on the front lawn.. it's HUGE and not modern and u can't rly see the screen very well if it's too bright and it doesn't have a usb port so u can probably only hook up old tech like dvd/vcr/hdmi in my computer and i love that. so yeah bringing it in alone and shoveling the apts has got my back very busted but isn't that so fun and whimsical...
on the other hand, and why i titled it the way i did! i hung out w friends - made plans for 7 days in a row!!! i used to be a "make plans again after 7 buisness days" kind of guy but after it all life was so beautiful and i was fine. also adding adblock to ur computer makes things work better????? so many things in life that i'm sure people knew way back when and i'm just nowww knowing.. anyway. as the title says ur life is ur own. any well known quote that they say in mp100 has become something i live by so well like that show will always change ur life forever

(1/30) Your life is truly your own...

i've been hanging w my friends a lot more (i am healing and growing it's crazy) and have been comparing it to snatches of what i get from some other friends of mines life and realized that they see things very differently and are maybe going through things differently than i am? like i am builing great friendships and they seem to be .. not? like i think if you plan an event all of your friends should be willing to come and if not all then at least half..no? so if we plan an event and you are "chasing down people" and allow them the excuse of being too busy because they are "performers".. so they are performers before they are your friend? people that do not let you live in their busy world are not worth keeping in your life.. which is also what this person does to me so i do not really consider them a friend much anymore, but it was nice to know them to compare what i am building to what we had. i think in general our relationship started off on the wrong foot and really only grew more sour from then for reasons i will not get into. anyway, i love my friends all of them very much and i'm glad they take time to spend time with me truly if you are my friend and reading this know that i would die for you.

(1/23) Why is journaling kind of hard

i want to journal kind of often but like. idk it's so hard to think of something to say that is kind of worth going through the effort of putting up.. i know that means that i dont value it enough but idk.